Obviously a very knowledgeable pub review site. The Tyne Bar is listed in the sites Top Three Pubs in Newcastle. The Burglar’s Dog is an independent guide to drinking in Newcastle, written by Mark Jones and John Edgell. Click here to see the actual Tyne Bar review. The Tyne is in the top three, and one of the others is The Trent House!

This is weird. At least half a dozen times we’d wandered right along the east Quayside trying to find this legendary “Tyne” boozer without once coming anywhere near it. And then, one Sunday afternoon, it appeared before us like some low-budget Brigadoon, and our prayers were answered.

If only I wasn’t such a bone-idle bastard I’d be along here every week.

Thank Christ we persevered. A quick history lesson: many years ago, the owners of The Tyne were turfed out of the Barley Mow on City Road by that awful Firkin chain, so they basically took everything from the old pub – the management, the atmosphere, even the bloody pub sign -and lugged it lock, stock and barrel along the river to what used to be the Ship Tavern under Glasshouse Bridge. And there it remains today. The thing is, though, there’s very little in the way of a tacky 80’s “theme” here, some criminal mullets notwithstanding. It’s not so much that time has stood still here, more that it’s proof that pubs can thrive and have a bit of character without being subjected to the whims of arsehole developers every few years.

In case you’re worried, though, I swear I’m not going to start telling you that this is some sort of primitive dive that I’m praising to the skies on account of its embarrassingly Luddite quirks. They know their way around the wonders of technology, alright; at least enough to have that rarest of things, a website that’s updated with upcoming events when they’re upcoming, and not when their techie consultants get round to changing the site.

10/10 for effort.

Have a look at The Tyne’s own website www.thetyne.com, advertised in huge letters on the front of the pub, and in Playskool lettering behind the bar. It’s obviously not fit to pick the sweet corn out of the Burglar’s Dog’s shite, but it’s worth a visit nonetheless. Even the stuff on the free jukebox is bang up to date, though you have to be an expert in gynaecology to fiddle with the insides and get the damn thing working.

The décor’s nowt to write home about – some Gaudi-esque bust crockery on one wall, a church pew outside, a big sunflower mural in the beer garden under the bridge, band posters everywhere else, but none of it seems forced in the way that your average refit does.

All this, and the beer’s spot on, too.

I’ll reserve judgment on the live music in the beer garden, since I’ve got no idea what playing under a bridge does for the acoustics, but 10/10 for effort regardless. And speaking of bands, I saw a flyer for a Woosh Records sad nostalgia night clagged to the wall on the way to the toilet. Them were the days: fey indie strummers, flexi discs, and fanzines with spelling worse than Egdell’s. All this, and the beer’s spot on, too. And just to show you how good this place made me feel, I didn’t even mind seeing bairns in here, since they looked more like hippified children of the revolution than the usual charver kids trying to nick your wallet. If only I wasn’t such a bone-idle bastard I’d be along here every week.

For: This place just underlines what a complete cock-up the Firkin chain made when they gutted the Barley Mow.

Against: Do not, under any circumstances, use the hot tap in the Gents. You will lose your skin, your bones and possibly your life. You have been warned.

This pub’s previous incarnation, The Ship Tavern, was apparently a whorehouse. In Byker? Jesus, how low would you have to stoop to satisfy your urges there? Have people never heard of the chopped-liver-in-a-jam-jar trick? Though, on reflection, the liver probably cost more.

Make sure you have a squint at the review of the Fog & Firkin to see the contrast. It makes me weep.